Author: Emily

I am splitting this into two days worth-50% today and the rest tomorrow.

1.  I have a fairly large group of friends who’ve been around since grammer school days.

2.  At this point in my life (47), I feel like I’m 18 again in that I’m still trying to find myself.

3.  I seem to attract people who talk a lot.

4  I think this may be because I  am a better listener than a conversational contributor.

5.  I am a bit self-conscious at times when someone ‘yields the floor’ to me.

6.   One of my negative traits is I have a tendency to tell people how to live their lives and am a bit put off  if they don’t take my advise.

7.  I need to stop doing this, sometimes my mouth gets me in hot water.  But, I’m getting much better.  Most of the time I resist the urge all together to say things I shouldn’t.

8.  My husband calls me a ‘Rabble Rouser’.  Probably because I’m always putting in my two cents.

9.  I tend to be overly sensitive (at times) and don’t take criticism very well unless it’s something I really don’t care about.

10.  I am a thin, svelt woman housed in a plus sized body.  How did that happen?

11.  Considering how thin I feel, I’m amazed to see a large woman staring back at me in photographs or the in mirror.

12.  While driving, I’m constantly looking in the rear view mirror checking my hairline for grey hairs.  I’m hoping they’ll be white.  Everytime I check, there’s more and more of them.

13.  I don’t have dainty lady feet.  I was blessed with extra large size 11 wide complete with two hammer toes.  Not fair.

14.  I enjoy doing laundry, especially if I can catch the washer on the rinse cycle so I can quickly add the fabric softner.  I love the smell of clothes rinsed in Downy.

15.  I’m not so good, however at putting the laundry away after its folded.  I don’t like that part.

16.  I love shopping at Trader Joes.  There is just something about that store that makes my heart so happy I equate it with the satisfying  feeling of having an adequately stocked pantry.

17.  My favorite articles of clothing are my cropped black yoga pants.  I live in them.  Besides, they show off my skinny ankles, lol.

18.  I love white Keds, but they’re not as cute on me because my feet are too big.

19.  I used to be a spontaneous person.  Middle age has changed all that. 

20.  Now I must  have a daily routine and have adequate warning of upcoming, unexpected events.

21.  I am more aware of my faults as I age and am more willing to analyze them and work on changing them.

22.  I very much would love to get a tattoo. 

23.  What’s holding me back is the fear of the pain.  I suppose I’m a big baby.

24.  I believe in God and keep a prayer journal.  I believe He works on me via the things I write to Him.

25.  I can go for weeks at a time and not write in my prayer journal.  Me bad.

26.  If there’s something I want, I can usually think of a way to get it.

27.  I’m outstanding at improvising a tool. 

28.  I have a penchant for black umbrellas.

29.  I absolutely hate when my socks get wet or when I accidentally stand on a wet rug or wet towel in bare feet.

30.  I snore-bad.

31.   I seriously, absolutely love and adore my golden retriever.

32.  My soul has always ‘pulled’ me toward New England.  To just think of the east coast makes my heart have a yearning for it.

33.  I must have lived on the east coast  in a past life.  Maybe I was a whaler’s daughter. 

34.  I have a terrible aversion to having my neck squeezed or seeing someone in a horror movie get their neck slit.  I must have died of a neck injury in that past life. 

35.  I really loved the book Jane Eyre.

36.  I think Mr. Rochester was sexy.

37.  I wish I were as wise and put together as Elizabeth Gilbert.

38.  I hate my chin-or should I say ‘chins’.  I need a longer neck..(don’t get any ideas, see # 34)

39.  I like to stay home.

40.  I’ve come to realize going out is more effort than its worth.

41.  I don’t have agoraphobia. 

42.  I’m just lazy.

43.  I hate the thought of exercising, but after I do I’m so happy. 

44.  I love avacados.  Absolutely. Love. Them.

45.  Red is my favorite color.

46.  I have been sleeping in a water bed for the last 20 years. 

47.  I am bored of it and want an old fashioned, overpriced pillowtop mattress.

48.  I love coffee.

49. I love blueberries, but hate blueberry pie.

50.  I hate cherries.

This is a response to a “blog challenge” from the leader of 14 Secrets, Lani, who you can find here.  We are to answer nine questions with art or photography.  If you’d like to take part in this little bit of blogging fodder, link back  and direct us to your answers.  Here are my attempts at answering without words, but simply in photos.

Who Are you?

and…

What do you love about where you live?

and….

What might your perfect afternoon look like…

and…

If you had an hour alone in your creative space what would you do?

Right now, what are some of your favorite things?

and…

and…

And…

And…

And…

                               Listen to Hey Soul Sister by Train here.

What foods nourish your soul?

When you need to take a a breath and reground yourself, what do you do?

How do you nurture your creative dreams?

and…

Does your heart have a wish to share?

more specifically…

I am so delighted!  I just happened upon Craigslist the other night and I found this easel.  It is a vintage French easel and it’s in perfect shape.  What is nice about it is it folds up to become a carrying box that will hold painting supplies, too-perfect for travel. 

The guy was also selling left over things from a past rummage sale, and I spotted this framed pastel drawing, so I had to have it for $10.

This inspires me to crank my butt in gear and start painting.  As my son Dave says, “Get goin’ on it mom!”

For the last 10 days I have been couch bound, my body uncomfortable with very, very bad back pain.  I believe the source of this bad back ache was from overdoing it in preparation for my rummage sale.  My son Scott and I were working for a whole week in the basement lifting, sorting, tossing and donating all our extra stuff in an effort to pare down and make the basement more organized and livable.  I should have known better.   I paid dearly for my efforts.  I am just now feeling like my old self again and I can say I am truly grateful for being able to have mobility again and to just do my regular routine.  I really understand now what it’s like to be debilitated and it’s not fun.  I am going to thank God everyday for being healthy and able to move around.  It’s not something to take for granted.

I‘m taking Kelly Rae’s online class “Flying Lessons” with the hope of amping up enough inspiration to breathe some life back into my doll business.  I have put so much work, blood sweat and tears into it and have brought it so far.  I am guilty of letting it it fall to the wayside.  Partially because I have lost interest in it, feeling like I’ve taken it as far as I can, and admittedly not believing in it like I used to.  Something has happened to me and I recognize I’ve made a mistake in allowing this to happen.  I need to rekindle my creativity and listen to the little whispers that are inside me, nudging me to go ahead and get reaquainted with my art.  It’s necessary and a part of me and I honestly don’t feel like myself if I’m not creating something.  

My heart is pulling another direction.  I have such a strong urge to paint, collage and dabble in canvas art.  I want to have an easle in the corner with a canvas propped up on it with a work in progress.  I am loving the art of Gritty Jane and Kelly Rae and want that for my self.  I know I can do it, I absolutely am confident I can. I just need to take the baby steps to make it happen.  My heart pulls are so strong, they are difficult to ignore.  The last 10 days of convalescing on the sofa with my back enabled me to pour at length through my collage books and my collection of Cloth Paper Scissors magazines and as a result, I have become infused with inspiration and such an urge to get started.

I have found there are people in my family who just don’t fit.  I have had a rather permanent severing of relations with my brother and his family.  I know in my heart its for the best.  As they say, we can choose our friends but we can’t choose our family.  There never was a good fit to our families-always strain, animosity and a lack of love.  I believe letting go is for the best.  I can feel peaceful in my soul again.  I’ve let the squaking caged bird go and I’m definately okay with it.

One last thing for today…I saw the Sex and the City 2 movie yesterday.  Despite the bad reviews and reading about people who went and got up and walked out in disgust, I didn’t find it to be that bad.  I understand the frivolity was running high and the material excesses were blarringly apparent, but I was able to see through it and find something good I could take from it.  There was one scene that immediatly drew me to tears-surprisingly to me, tears that I had a difficult time controlling.  At the time I didn’t want my friend or my daughter to see me upset, but I later I explained to them what  had happened.  The scene that had such an affect on me was when Carrie stayed in her apartment for two days working on her writing.  Big called her on the second day and asked her if she’d like to go to dinner and it turned out, just like old times, he was sitting in the limo just below her bedroom window with the limo window rolled down looking up at her like only Chris Noth can.  When she got in the car he leaned in and looked at her like he hadn’t seen her in weeks and said “I missed you, Baby” and then pulled her in for a delicious kiss. It was as if an emotional jolt travelled up my spine and out my tear ducts.  I didn’t understand at first why this scene made me so emotional.  After some thought and discussion, I think it’s because I miss feeling that way.  I miss being in love. I miss being missed like that.  I miss that consuming feeling of being so desperately in love.  It’s truly a feeling that makes you feel so alive, isn’t it?    Is it all Hollywood, or is this kind of  romance something we can always hope to maintain in our relationships?   After 25 years it’s really difficult.   What do you think?

It happened again.  Last night I had a repeat of an old familiar dream that entails a creepy old house. 

In this dream, I’m usually at my first house in Chicago-a huge corner bungalow by Midway Airport.  Back when the house was first built, it used to be owned by a doctor who had his practice located right in the house in various rooms on the first floor.  When we pulled up the carpets, surprisingly we could see the spots on the hardwood where the examination tables used to sit.   I loved this house, because it was filled with mystery, a gigantic full attic and lots of hidey spots.

Now, in my dream I am back in this house on Menard St. and I’m living there quite happily.  Invariably I get to a point in the dream where I discover there’s a portion of the house I  never knew about, or other times while dreaming I realize there has been a few rooms that have been closed off and I now want to explore them.  Always, the prospect of these mysterious rooms leaves me with a haunting feeling.   I can’t wait to explore, and yet it’s really ghostly but at the same time, I’m so thrilled to realize I actually own the part of this house that has gone unnoticed all these years. 

What thrills me the most when I’m in the full thrall of this dream is the prospect of what these rooms have the potential to be.  I have strong hopes of them becoming my art/sewing studio.  The feeling I have when I’m viewing these rooms in their full color detail is one of absolute astonishment.  How could I not have known these rooms existed?  Why didn’t I ever notice the doors that lead to these amazing secret chambers?  And most importantly, how can I occupy these rooms and keep them to myself?  I’m  really selfish when it comes the chance of  having a space of my own.

These mysterious rooms of my old house have come to me during sleep and have thrilled me.  At other times  they’ve scared the hell out of me.  One ‘episode’ left me terrified, like I was in a haunted house.  Something telekenetically warned me not to open the doors because bad spirits were hold up behind them and  once I opened that door, all hell would break lose.  Of course, curiosity couldn’t drive me away, and ghostly troubles ensued.  Scary as hell troubles caused me to wake up in a cold sweat with a pounding heart.  Even  still, ghosts and all, I wanted those rooms for my own to develop into a space I have been longing for all this time-an art room.

All this week my son and I have been cleaning the basement getting ready for a rummage sale on Saturday.  With any luck, there will be a huge space cleared in the basement and with a little ambition I can whip up a sacred space of my own to spread out where I can allow my creativity to flow.  But for now, I look forward to my next sleep when the possibility of those secret rooms will again come to me and set my heart pounding once again for the real thing.

     If you know me well, you are aware of the fact I can’t stay with something very long (marriage, now that’s different!).  I’m a changer…I am always looking for new ways to make things around my house different, whether it be the postion of the sofas, the pictures on the wall or items to display.  I don’t like things to stay the same. Part of the reason is I see so much I like, I couldn’t possibly stick with just one thing.  Impossible!

      I know a couple who have been married since 1962 and they still have 98% of all the original stuff they picked out when they got their first house.  They just recently bought new sofas, but that was after 45 years of sitting on the originals.  Oh, my goodness, I couldn’t be like that.  I get bored too easily.  So, if you’ve been here before you know just what I’m getting at.  Things around here are once again a bit different.  My blog name ( changed two times in the last two days) and my banner are different.  Thank goodness I can’t add a background because that would probably be new, too.  This is all in an effort to keep things interesting here. 

     I have this attraction to umbrellas.  I don’t know why.  A friend once brought it to my attention that I have several framed pictures  in my house that feature umbrellas, and some in the most subtle of ways.  I never noticed it, not to mention have I drawn a correlation as to why I was collecting them.  I got to thinking about umbrellas.  Why do I like them?  Is it possible there is some subconscious reason why I am partial to them?  After giving it some thought, I deduced that maybe it has something to do with shelter from the storm;  Or the potential for romance that can be shared under an umbrella.  An umbrella offers privacy-a  covert conversation between two can be held under one, the umbrella acting as a partition between the people below and the rest of the world.  Umbrellas  keep us dry and make it possible for us to explore the world when it’s wet or too sunny to venture out otherwise.   Maybe umbrellas are ‘enablers’- whatever they signify, I thought I’d pull a few from my subconscious and plop them right up top and as a blog mascot. 

I hope you will visit often and share my umbrella with me.  You will probably find out some of my secrets, what inspires me or what I’m dreaming of at the moment.  You never know what you’ll chance upon under my black umbrella.

Just over the last 3 weeks or so I started to write down my prayers instead of say them.  I borrowed this idea from a book I read several months ago entitled, “The Help.”  In the book, the main character Abileen writes down her prayers.  This is something she began as a kid and it had carried on into adulthood.  In the story, everyone Abileen knew asked her to pray for them because it was a known fact that most, if not all of her prayers got answered.  It was as if God heard Abileen’s prayers clearer in some way, almost as though she had a direct route to Him via her notebook. 

Now that I started writing down my prayers, I can’t stop. It makes me feel solid in some way.  I’ve come to enjoy documenting what I talk to God about and what I pray for.  ‘Prayer Journaling’ is what I’m calling it and it is very cathartic.   Whenever I have something that’s knawing at me or worrying me I give it to God with a few strokes of my pen.

Just like Abileen in “The Help,” I too, seem to be receiving some divine answers in response to my writings.  It is moving and wonderful.  The ‘answers’ encourage me to continue on.  The time I spend writing is my special time with God- I’m doing an activity with him and I love it.  I  enjoy the process of writing in general  and this is just another way for me to express myself.  Here is a little something to read on the value of writing journals.

Interested in Prayer Journaling yourself?  Well then, I encourage you to give it a try.  You can start out  simple (a cheap spiral notebook) or as fancy (Moleskein ruled journals)  as you like.  Tuck it away somewhere no one will find it  and refer to it during the day if you need to.  Sometimes something happens in the middle of the day and I don’t want to wait till night time to write it down.  Instead, I pull out my journal and give it to him right then and there.

Over the last 3 weeks I’ve only missed a few days of writing down my prayers.  I’ve already written halfway through my first journal.  I look forward to soon filling up the last page, tucking it away on my shelf for safe keeping and opening up a fresh, new  journal and beginning the whole process again. 

Don’t really believe in God?  You don’t necessarily have to be religious keep a prayer journal- just write down your thoughts, worries and feelings to something higher than you, whatever  that maybe.   Just write it down and let it go. 

One more thing I add at the end of each ‘entry’ is a ‘Gratitude Page’.  I write ‘Gratitudes for [the date]’ and list 5 or 6 things from that day that pleased me, or I that I was grateful for.  If there are days that not much happens, or it is a bad day, I still write a gratitude page-but I’m more  thankful for general things like my health, my kids, the dog, yada.  I just try to be mindful of all I have and to be grateful every day.  Try it, it will make such a difference to your life.

The delightful thing about a prayer journal is it doesn’t have to be all prayers. You can write down your feelings, ideas and hopes.  Just talk, let it all out.  If you feel you need forgiveness for something, ask through your pen.  Write it down and let it go.  If you travel, tuck it in your bag and take it with you.  I guarantee  you will feel so much better if you decide to do some prayer journaling yourself.  I used to say prayers at night when I went to bed, but I had a penchant for falling asleep mid-prayer.  Now I write.  And I think God really likes it.

If you want to fancy up one of those common black and white composition books and turn it into an attractive prayer journal, check here for how to make one.

I let way too much time lapse between blog posts.  I definately need to change things. 

I made a simple new  year’s resolution.  It’s based on a one word theme and that word is UNDAUNTED.  I even purchased a sterling silver ring with my word etched onto it to serve as a constant reminder of how I aim to be.  I found myself in a few situations already where I faced my husband in an arguement and instead of getting discouraged, I looked down at my ring, read my word and told myself to soldier on.  It really does work!  You might try adopting this one word resolution yourself.  Here’s where I first read about it.  Think of your word and let me know what it is.

This year there are some decisions I’d like to make about seeking out a real career, something I have never had.  I love art and after this spring semester, I will finally have my Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.  I’d love to take this midlife time and follow my dreams.  Sometimes I get feelings of guilt and begin to think it’s selfish of me (why?) to want this, but then  I often think to myself how I only have this one life.  While my life does encompass dealing with a husband and five kids, three of the five are grown.  I have 2 in full time school and I feel the time has arrived for me to look to a career outside my home so I can continue to grow into an interesting woman who can make a postive impact on the world.  

I’m beginning to worry myself sick wondering if I’ll be hireable at 47, and 50 if I go back to school and get a masters degree in Art Therapy or Art Education.  I am praying and asking God to send me in the direction He thinks I will be best suited.  Oddly enough, very recently I’ve been getting urges to help in humanitarian ways like through the Red Cross.  I look at the problems in Haiti and wish I could be there doing something physical to help those poor people.  Maybe this strong urge I feel deep inside is  a ‘soul pull’  from God…an answer to what I’ve been praying for.  My friend Rhonda asked me the other night  where I think these strong urges are coming from and my first thought was God.  Maybe.   Have you experienced something like this?  Has God answered your prayers in such a direct, obvious way? 

Now, for my not so nice behavior.  I put this note on the windshield of a fancy LEXUS SUV in my Old Navy parking lot that had been strattling the yellow line taking up two parking spaces. 

       “How greedy can you be, ASSHOLE?  One parking spot PER car!”

It infuriates me when self- important people feel they can be inconsiderate towards others  by taking up two parking spots for their overpriced vehicles.  I know I can’t change the world, and maybe if it had been a different day I would have let it roll off my back, but darn it, I think they deserved it.  Am I being self-important by lettting this bother me?

I’m thinking of doing The Artist’s Way writing exercises.   I wish I could find a few folks to do this with.  It’s more fun in a group.

Last Friday I carved some quality time out of my day to create this collage.  I’m very pleased with it.