Some Saturday thoughts…

For the last 10 days I have been couch bound, my body uncomfortable with very, very bad back pain.  I believe the source of this bad back ache was from overdoing it in preparation for my rummage sale.  My son Scott and I were working for a whole week in the basement lifting, sorting, tossing and donating all our extra stuff in an effort to pare down and make the basement more organized and livable.  I should have known better.   I paid dearly for my efforts.  I am just now feeling like my old self again and I can say I am truly grateful for being able to have mobility again and to just do my regular routine.  I really understand now what it’s like to be debilitated and it’s not fun.  I am going to thank God everyday for being healthy and able to move around.  It’s not something to take for granted.

I‘m taking Kelly Rae’s online class “Flying Lessons” with the hope of amping up enough inspiration to breathe some life back into my doll business.  I have put so much work, blood sweat and tears into it and have brought it so far.  I am guilty of letting it it fall to the wayside.  Partially because I have lost interest in it, feeling like I’ve taken it as far as I can, and admittedly not believing in it like I used to.  Something has happened to me and I recognize I’ve made a mistake in allowing this to happen.  I need to rekindle my creativity and listen to the little whispers that are inside me, nudging me to go ahead and get reaquainted with my art.  It’s necessary and a part of me and I honestly don’t feel like myself if I’m not creating something.  

My heart is pulling another direction.  I have such a strong urge to paint, collage and dabble in canvas art.  I want to have an easle in the corner with a canvas propped up on it with a work in progress.  I am loving the art of Gritty Jane and Kelly Rae and want that for my self.  I know I can do it, I absolutely am confident I can. I just need to take the baby steps to make it happen.  My heart pulls are so strong, they are difficult to ignore.  The last 10 days of convalescing on the sofa with my back enabled me to pour at length through my collage books and my collection of Cloth Paper Scissors magazines and as a result, I have become infused with inspiration and such an urge to get started.

I have found there are people in my family who just don’t fit.  I have had a rather permanent severing of relations with my brother and his family.  I know in my heart its for the best.  As they say, we can choose our friends but we can’t choose our family.  There never was a good fit to our families-always strain, animosity and a lack of love.  I believe letting go is for the best.  I can feel peaceful in my soul again.  I’ve let the squaking caged bird go and I’m definately okay with it.

One last thing for today…I saw the Sex and the City 2 movie yesterday.  Despite the bad reviews and reading about people who went and got up and walked out in disgust, I didn’t find it to be that bad.  I understand the frivolity was running high and the material excesses were blarringly apparent, but I was able to see through it and find something good I could take from it.  There was one scene that immediatly drew me to tears-surprisingly to me, tears that I had a difficult time controlling.  At the time I didn’t want my friend or my daughter to see me upset, but I later I explained to them what  had happened.  The scene that had such an affect on me was when Carrie stayed in her apartment for two days working on her writing.  Big called her on the second day and asked her if she’d like to go to dinner and it turned out, just like old times, he was sitting in the limo just below her bedroom window with the limo window rolled down looking up at her like only Chris Noth can.  When she got in the car he leaned in and looked at her like he hadn’t seen her in weeks and said “I missed you, Baby” and then pulled her in for a delicious kiss. It was as if an emotional jolt travelled up my spine and out my tear ducts.  I didn’t understand at first why this scene made me so emotional.  After some thought and discussion, I think it’s because I miss feeling that way.  I miss being in love. I miss being missed like that.  I miss that consuming feeling of being so desperately in love.  It’s truly a feeling that makes you feel so alive, isn’t it?    Is it all Hollywood, or is this kind of  romance something we can always hope to maintain in our relationships?   After 25 years it’s really difficult.   What do you think?

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7 thoughts on “Some Saturday thoughts…

  1. Emily, I love to read the updates on your life. I too miss the feelings of being hopelessly in love and not just “comfortable” with one another. I suppose that has some special merit too. I just had a talk with my husband about getting through the basement this summer and using any monies made to set up a crafting room for myself. I love to sew and have started scapbooking. I will take what you learned and remember to take at least 2 weeks!

  2. ((((Em))))
    So happy your back is well ‘back” to a doable normal.
    My “Big” is Jack on Sons of Anarchy (big surprize huh?) & I miss the old romance too, but when I do, I write a marital gratitude list…I couldnt love him more when he uses the heel of the bread on the days before payday for his lunch, or how much over time he works & sweats for & never complains about… just to do something special for me or the house, never himself or the Harley hes trying to rebuild…or something special for our grand daughter…I also spose “Jack” & “Big” probably flatulate, scratch, & stink up their bathrooms too! LOL & that puts it all back into perspective for me…until then Sweets, feel it, share about it & then go give old Larry a kiss on his forehead. Keep sharing, caring & dreaming…I loves ya sistah/friend…((((Kat))))

  3. Hey there
    I am so glad you are feeling better and as usual I am jealous of your artistic abilities…but reading the 2 halfs of your entry i couldn’t help but feel they are related and you know they both need the same thing. as always regreting my shy H.S. days …lol

    enjoy everything

  4. hi em…..sad about your brother but sometimes neccesary…

    ok..not to brag, but I have been married for 27 years and the fire is still strong……still madly in love and adore the man…BUT its a 2 way street…give and take….you need to both be on the same page or the romance dies….the more he loves me the more I love him, and vice versa, its a win win….
    get to making those dolls!!!!
    I have to take my machine in, the petal is sticking, when its done I will work on our swap:)

    • I’m so happy for you and your husband…I could see how crazy he is about you when I visited you 6 years ago….you are a lucky, lucky woman and he is also very fortunate.

      Yes, I will be making your dollie….just shoot me a when and I will get going on it. I will try to get her out to you before I leave for vacation at the end of this month. Email me your address again!

  5. Yes i think love can still exist after 25 years. Im going on 26 years this June and my heart hurts just thinking of my husband and thats when ill just send him an I Love You text or somthing little like that and he does the same. I think your art is wonderful as i have one of your art pieces hanging in my bedroom, but I love the way you write. I think you should look into writting something. Everything just flows so well. Love to read your stuff.

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