She’s one angry gal. She has an amazing talent.
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What I really want and need from Art
It’s really satisfying when one day all the thoughts you’ve been hashing over for what seems like months come to a cohesive whole and suddenly, you realize something you’ve pretty much known all along. This happened to me just a few weeks ago.
I have known all through my life that art is my calling…..Every single day I wake up thinking about art, wishing I had more time during the day to just wallow in it. Sometimes I have the time to paint or draw, but most times I don’t. (It’s actually not time that’s the factor, it’s a combination of complicated things.) One thing I enjoy more than almost anything is participating in group art. I always have. I love sitting around a table with like minded folks creating our own individual projects, sharing and communicating through the process. I read about the most amazing art retreats on the West Coast and I want so badly to be there. And Anahata’s Bali art retreats are a total dream to me…and on my bucket list. I enjoy this a whole lot more than simply painting with the main intention to make profits from my art. (I am not an idiot, however. If I had offers from someone to purchase my work, I’d sell if the price were good, or if I had licensing companies seeking me out, I’d be waving my hand, “Right here!”) What I am saying is, those things are fine, but really the goal here-for me-is to spread the joy of art and share creativity so everyone benefits. It’s not always about the product.
More than anything, I love sharing art with other people and introducing them to the joy of art and the benefits it can bring. I also understand the value art has in helping people express themselves in a non-verb way. Group art makes my heart sing. This epiphany has led me to realize a possible mid-life career path.
I am now reading books on art therapy and how art heals the soul. I have several books in my personal collection and I’m just beginning to read them. I have often toyed with the idea of how wonderful it would be to have a business where I could organize and conduct women’s art retreats. To me this would be a dream come true. I think women need time away and pampering and a chance to really sit down and express themselves. I could think of no other thing I’d rather do.
I really felt like sharing this today because it’s been bursting inside me. The process of art is probably my true calling. Everything else is just gravy, or fluid paint if I want to stick with the theme, lol.
Turning 48, voracious reading, and a few things I wish someone would have told me…
Aging-I’m now 48…on March 27th, another year clicked into place for me. This number-48, of all the years in this 4th decade, has had the biggest affect on me. I love my forties, don’t get me wrong, but now I’m edging towards 50 and I can’t help but feel a little trepidation about it. In just this last year I’ve noticed changes in my face-subtle ones, but changes no less. My hair is getting whitish gray in spots and my waist is getting bigger (rats), my joints are achy as hell and I’m feeling just a tad melancholy. Okay, I hear that fifty is the new forty, but I guess I can’t believe that until I see it. (In no hurry!) Christie Brinkley was asked how she keeps her face so young looking (I’m convinced it’s Photoshop) and she was quick to say, “Exfoliate! I’m always exfoliating my face!” So, there you have it. I’m going to go out and get myself some fine grit sandpaper. Let the exfoliation begin. 🙂
Books-The other day I realized books are one of those things I truly love the most, and I really, really would have a seriously difficult time of it if I had to live without them. I’m always reading something. I have been devouring books a lot lately and making frequent trips to the library, too. Just this month I finished three books and I’m onto my next book. I think my husband is jealous. I don’t hold him like I hold a book. Lol…
Things I wish someone would have told me when I was younger: Okay all you young women reading this…pay attention because I’m giving this advise to you as a gift. (If you are a guy reading this, pass it on to your young daughters). No one told me these things when I was a young girl-put a high SPF sunblock on your face every day and also put sunblock on your neck and upper chest that is exposed when you wear tops. Also, rub some sunblock into the tops of your hands….religiously. You won’t regret it. If you heed these little nudges of wisdom, they may very well save you from having a really jiggly turkey neck when you reach late middle age. You might also avoid having a sun damaged leather neck. When you are thinking about how a tan makes you look lovely now, remember that when you reach middle age (and believe me, it gets here faster than you can even imagine), and the elements of your beauty you are taking for grated now begin slipping away, in the course of frantically grasping to get them back, you don’t want to deeply regret all the sun worshipping you did in the past because you now look like an iguana. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
My blog crush for the week is Advanced Style . It must be the whole getting older thing, but this young, handsome guy who writes this blog has a thing for older women and he scours the streets of Manhattan looking for interesting, beautiful, stylish old women and he snaps their photos and blogs about them. Love this guy. He’s helping me in my uneasiness about saying farewell to youth. I do want to be a lovely old crone and I will….I will be lovely, you wait and see. (I’ll blog about it in 10 years.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8J6Cjn06kA
A good movie-A dear friend took me to see the new film Jane Eyre this week for a birthday treat. I read the book and loved it, and I was so pleasantly surprised to see this film did not disappoint. It was true to the story line, (in fact, it was almost like the director was inside my head when I was reading it and saw these scenes just as I did!), had beautiful cinematography and Jane was oh-so-plain. It made me cry at scenes….it was so very touching. Mr. Rochester was sexy and irresistible, just like he was in the book. If you are a Jane Eyre fan, or a lover of Gothic literature this really should be a ‘must see’. Treat yourself to some overpriced buttered popcorn and soda and settle into a comfy theater seat for a real visual treat.
“They Came One Night”….Documenting an Orb Sighting
Years ago, when I was around 17, I witnessed what I now believe to be a spectactular thing. One night after I went to bed and shut off the lights, I saw, hovering above my bed several orbs, going around in a small circle. It scared the hell out of me. At first I thought it might be headlights, but my room was situated in a way that it wasn’t possible for that to happen, and I had never seen anything like that before (and I had many years previous in that room). Then I thought for a second it might be my mom walking around at night with a flashlight. (The next morning I asked her if she was walking around with a flashlight and she said no, she was asleep). I closed my eyes in fear hoping they would go away, only to open them and see them continuing in that small orbit over my bed. Then, scared to death, I pulled the covers over my head hoping they would go away, but no such luck….after a few seconds of hiding, I peeked out and saw them. They were still there. I didn’t know what to think. I imagined these might be angels and maybe it was my time to die. Were they here to take me to heaven? Maybe they were ghosts. I understood that the previous owner had died in the room that had been mine.
It was a long time ago and I think I just ducked back under the covers and eventually fell asleep. To this day I don’t know what they were, or why they were there. Did they serve some purpose? I talked to a lady recently who is very spiritual and she told me she thinks those orbs were my ‘spirit guides.’ I’m not sure what spirit guides are, or why we have them or even if they were mine at all.
I have been thinking a lot lately about that evening 30 years ago. I still wonder why they came to me-and in a funny way, I feel honored. I chose to depict my memory of that evening in the form of a painting. The girl in the bed is me as a young girl, lying there frightened, with the covers pulled up high, transfixed at the sight of glowing orbs hovering in a circle above my bed.
If you have had a similiar experience or have an idea of what these orbs were and why they might have come to me please leave me a comment. I have been going over that night in my mind often, still seeking an answer. Maybe some day I will find out.
Scandalous women-hearts for Valentine’s day
Lately I’ve been quite taken with ‘vintage women’- famous artists, authors and characters from novels I read. I particularily love scandalous women because they are just more fun. I was inspired to make these lovely hearts and decided to grace each one with a photo of one of my favorite ladies. They can be for Valentine’s day or any occasion, because we all know that love is a part of each and every day.
This heart is one of my favorites, it’s the Sarah Bernhardt heart for all the drama queens in your life. I made the Daphne Du Maurier heart for a friend of mine for Christmas who loves the novel Rebecca. If you’d like one they are $22 with shipping, and you can email me, or purchase one at my etsy shop.
Be Still…my newest collage painting
Did you ever wish to have a birdie on your shoulder? If you did, you would have to be very still as to not scare him away.
This is my newest painting, done today. I don’t know where these women come from, but they are all inside me, eventually making their way onto canvas. I can’t help but think she’s a very conservative gal. Thank you Emily Gooch for the little push. I needed that. 🙂
My moment of clarity
Let me start off by saying this-what I’m about to write about may initially come off as a bit haughty, but it’s not meant to be that way. Just read what I’m saying and realize I am venting, trying so very hard to do what’s right for me.
Over the last year or so I’ve dipped my toes in the art of mixed media/collage/painting. I have grown to love it very much although I am not consistent. In the course of this past year I went all ‘gung ho’ and followed the blogs of other similiar artists, checked out Etsy shops of mixed media artists and paid money for online classes with the hope that by participating in these group art activities some miracle of the art gods will propel me successfully right out into the art world, blessing me with a style, and infuse me with the sense of just what subjects I should paint. Much to my demise, 0nly confusion, jealousy and the feeling of being overwhelmed bombarded me instead of those good things I was hoping to achieve. Worse yet, blog hopping and checking out the lives of other artists, their muses and their budding careers has left me with feelings of contempt. Unhealthy? Yes, I’d say quite a bit. But I couldn’t understand why.
All my life I’ve been creative and lived artfully, knowing no other way to be. I have always wanted to have some kind of job in a field of art. But, not since I began searching the web, have I ever been hit with the certainty of just how many people there are in the world vying for the same spot (yes they are-get real.) to achieve noteriety, with the hopes of cashing in on their talent as a means of income. Just bopping around the internet has caused me to hit that harsh reality with the same pain and velocity of bashing into a brick wall. It brought me to a dark and depressing bottom line-there are thousands of us out there and it feels like the market is so saturated one can drown from it. I know, I know, it’s a big world out there and some well meaning folks even hold onto the notion that there’s room in the world for all of us. And there is, I suppose. But it still depresses me. I think it happens to the best of us-we get so caught up in what others are doing that it causes us to lag behind or lose confidence in our own abilities. Do you hear these words in your mind… They’re so much better! What’s the point? You can go on and on. It’s enough to send even the most psychologically sound gal spiraling into a mild depression retreating to her bed with the cat for days on end, eating cookies and pints of ice cream in a clouded daze, watching old episodes of Sex and the City over and over again-feeling like a bit of a loser. This is how I feel. It truly makes me feel disheartened.
Being a perennial optimist (only suffering momentary bouts of deflation like right now) in an effort to combat these feelings and to maintain the usual positive stance I quickly take in my life, I realized what it is I must do to keep my sights set on what I want out of life . How can I accomplish my artist goals-no matter what the outside world holds in it’s hands? I’ve decided from this point on to focus on myself. I need to nurture and concentrate on the artsy person I love the most-me. I no longer want to navigate from one art blog to the next. I believe it’s a detriment to allow myself to be exposed to so many ideas and styles of other artists. I think that doing that dilutes ones originality-at least, I know it dilutes mine. I will not take any more online classes. Instead, I think I will spend my time exploring my own style at my own pace. I want to become a purist in a sense, and stay true to what’s inside of me that’s waiting to burst out and reveal itself. I hope that by doing this I will give myself a better chance of reaching real contentment and joy. I want to be a self supporting artist, and by taking this sabbatical from basking in the success’ of the artistic multitudes and their art, I can rise out of that muck, brush myself off and polish myself to the gleaming, artsy kind of woman I hope to be.
Budda said, believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. By following my own advise, and ultimately the words of Budda, I hope to come to my senses.
How about you? Do you also struggle with feeling immersed in the world and losing your originality? How do you deal with it?
Saturday Matinee-January Whites
Ah, how I love January. I know, I know, it’s cold and snowy and we are all (well most of us) on the lull of Christmas and New Years festivities. But now, it’s time for renewal, and a cleansing so to speak. It’s time for winter whites. Let’s celebrate the pureness of winter as we hibernate in our homes cozy and warm, protected from the elements that lurk just outside the window pane. Here are some pictures of lovely creams and whites that I just adore. Have a wonderful January!
From Vera Wang PJs to Charles Dickens
…a few random thoughts this Christmas evening…
*Christmas is over, and I can finally breathe….I took a relaxing shower and slipped into my new black Vera Wang pjs I bought myself last week. I saved them for Christmas. To me, there’s something really necessary about having new pajamas to wear on Christmas. Silly, yes, but oh, so essential.
*Every time I walk into my disaster-of-a-bedroom my thoughts immediately go to taking a day out-an entire day, and tearing it apart and sorting through every single thing with a fine tooth comb and really paring down. The goal-to make my room a haven instead of the hell it’s been. This week. You wait and read. It’s gonna happen. 🙂
*A few days ago I blew the dust off my sewing machine and managed to find my favorite Folk and Whimsy doll pattern, Matilda Peabody. She was calling to me. So I dug out my muslin, pressed it and began the creation process. I’ve finished her body….now comes the fun part. I really love this doll because she’s a big girl, with very shapely arms and legs and she’s a fun twist of Victorian meets prim. I am hoping she will imbue me with the urge to begin redesigning dolls again. Doll making is what I do well, and I’ve got a lot of practice making dolls. But still, I want to get better. I’m looking forward to having Matilda around to inspire me.
*I absolutely love Burl Ives Christmas songs. To me, his voice is like pinecones and evergreens. When I hear Holly Jolly Christmas and Silver and Gold, the songs send me back to how it felt to be a child at Christmas. With that, a sting of sadness quickly follows behind. Its a sadness because I miss my dad.
*I realized a few months ago that I no longer remember what my father’s voice sounded like. As hard as I try, I can’t remember it. That makes me very sad. He’s been gone since 1982. Time has a way of playing nasty tricks on one’s memory.
*Strawberry Jello pies are desserts from heaven-especially if they gel firmly. My mom can make them perfectly. I can’t. No matter what I do, they never solidify….always mushy for me.
*Today I ate a strawberry pop tart (but the organic, Trader Joe brand)-HEAVEN. It’s been YEARS since I had one and instantly it tasted like being a kid….now I remember why I loved them so. I want another one now.
*Yesterday, on Christmas eve I popped in my favorite Goodwill Store just to see if there were any goodies left. I was in the mood for a quickie treasure hunt. I love white ironstone pitchers and I spotted a tall one with a lid sitting on a metal shelf. I picked it up, took a quick glance at the bottom and was delightfully surprised to read the words POTTERY BARN SNOWFLAKE. Score! I paid $4.99 for it. I was so happy, I skipped to my car feeling like I just got an early Christmas present.
*Rose Salve is the best stuff. I tried it after I read that Sarah Jessica Parker considers it one of her top 5 or 6 favorite beauty products. Like Sarah, I apply it to my lips every night before I go to sleep and it keeps them soft and the dryness away. I love the smell. Not only is the salve great for lips, after the stitches in my toes were taken out after my foot surgery I applied the salve to my scars to heal them. It worked like a dream! I highly recommend you try it. I purchase mine at Bath and Body Works.
* For the last 5 days, I’ve had this song stuck in my head. A few days ago, my husband was playing random Elton John songs and this one came on. I hadn’t heard it in like 20 years. I forgot how much I loved it! Since then, it’s been looping through my brain relentlessly and it’s the first thing I think of in the morning when I wake up. Actually, it’s this part, “I’ve got John Wayne Stances, I’ve got Errol Flynn’s advances, and it doesn’t mean a doggone thing.”
*This new year my hope is to teach myself Adobe Illustrator and learn French from Rosetta Stone software. I’m thinking, if I end up going to Paris anytime soon (yeah, right) I’ll need to speak the language, so I better get on it.
*Surprisingly, I didn’t get ONE of the things I asked for in my Santa Baby Christmas List. {{sigh}}
*Tonight I’m really in the mood to dive back into Great Expectations. I’m past the half way point and I’ve been taking way too long to finish it. I hope to make a serious dent. Good night all. Dickens is calling me.
My Santa Baby Christmas List 2010
This is my annual Santa Baby Christmas list. All are things I’d love to have. Hey, a girl can wish! Written to the tune of Eartha Kit’s Santa Baby, won’t you sing along with me?
Santa baby, slip a trip to Paris under the tree, for me
been an awful good girl
Santa baby so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa baby, a flat in New York City will do-with a view
Make it a five year lease
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Think of my life-a mother of five
There were times I didn’t think I would survive.
Next year you bet-I’ll be good
If you’d check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo
Santa honey, I want Chris Noth and really he’s
Not a lot
(It’s my third year asking for him)
Santa baby, now hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa Hottie, I’m really in need of my fantasy man-you can
Find him somewhere out there
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby, please fill my stocking with cash for my trip to France
You’re such a sweet old guy
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Come and take me away with you
Instead, maybe Chris and I could rendezvous
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo
Santa baby, forgot to mention I need-the deed
to that flat in New York
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Why Jane 
