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Well, folks, I’m here. It’s day 3 and much to my surprise, I’m having a pretty good time. The weather is incredibly pleasant–a perfect upper 70 degree weekend with low 50’s at night, which makes for very comfortable sleeping.

Yesterday, while beachside, I spent a few hours talking to a guy friend of mine, who’s been in my life since I was 12. I had a heart to heart conversation with him, gently probing him to discuss his unhappy marriage. I got him to finally open up to me and he now knows I am on his side. His wife and I do not get a long at all….and because of the rift in our relationship, his family and ours rarely see eachother with the exceptionn of this yearly vacation we both take at the same place during same week. Our conversation brought us closer then we’ve been in years and I now think we realizes he can confide in me if he needs to. I don’t think men talk about their domestic troubles much. I don’t understand why, but guys just don’t do that. That’s where I come in. Being a woman, he can talk to me. I’m not a big adovcate of divorce, but this guy needs to wait another 3 years and leave his wife. Life is much too short to waste a good portion of time with people who are toxic and do not bring out the best in us. Most of all, we all need love and affection. Love, sex and affection make life so much sweeter. What I hope is that he finds someone else he can grow old with, who will be crazy about him and give him the love he deserves. He is visibly unhappy and his health is challenging him. I know it stems from marital discontent to the worst degree.

Just prior to leaving on Saturday, I stopped at my library and took out Lolita to read while I’m sitting around the beach being lazy. I started it and got to the 35th page and I’m having a hard time keeping myself interested in this story. I read all kinds of reviews that this is a tour de force, but, gosh, I just don’t see it. Does this mean I am a literary moron? If I dont’ see what all the accolades are referring to does that make me wrong, or am I seriously missing something? If any of you have read Lolita by Vladimir Nobokov, please let me know what you thought of it–and if you finished it.

My days here are laid back, lazy and enjoyable. Gosh, what was I bitching about in my last post? I’ve planned meals that are simple and delicious, requiring little work. I even had my daughter and her friend make supper last night. They whipped up spaghetti with meat sauce and it was delicious. Maybe dinners just taste better when someone else cooks.

Every year while I’m up here the urge hits me. I want a cottage by a lake. I have wanted one of these for so long! I’d love to have a little cottage, simple and sparce with a big porch facing a body of water with a dock, croaking frogs and a little row boat. What a blissful fantasy I keep in this blond head of mine. There are so many of those little houses–and some big ones up here and it is got me jonesing for something I totally can’t afford. Ah, maybe in a decade or so, when my kids are grown, I’ll sell my house in this Chicago suburb and trade it in for a little ‘Love Shack’ on a lake. I’ll keep you all posted.

From my experience here in the woody bosom of Wisconsin, I think I can honestly say, life is what you make it. I’ve kept a positive attitude and it is working out so pleasantly. Now, to search for that perfect little abode that I can plunk some greenbacks on in about 10 years….

Discovered from someone else’s blog–a site where you can make your own personal card catalog card.

I am readying for a vacation (if you can call it that) to northern Wisconsin next week and I have piles of clean clothes that haven’t been put away, animal care to square up, and a messy house to contend with. I’m harried. One must wonder how I can even take time away from what needs to be done to sit here and write this. (It’s called a break.)

To me, a vacation would be sending my family off with a pat on each of their butts and a kiss and saying ”sayonara–see ya in a week!” I crave a house that’s quiet and peaceful. I want one week just for me to do what I want-when I want. A vacation is the perfect week away–from my family that is. This is my fantasy every year–to stay home to gather my thoughts and be on my own. To transform in to a perfect mom and wife who’s completely refreshed when they pull up in the driveway a week later. Honestly, I think I mostly need a vacation from my husband.

I know how this story is gonna end. I’m going to go with them this Saturday, piling in a car thats bulging from over capacity and heading straight Up North to our usual spot, Camp Nawakwa–the Kids and the Kids Friends, the Husband, the cramped cabins and the serenity of nature all there for my enjoyment.

As my mind is bombarded by thoughts of being solo while they vacation without me, the guilt and reality of the situation begins to quickly creep in. I’m not a stupid woman. I know full well there are only so many vacations a family has together. The kids are soon grown, or they’re still around and don’t want to be seen with you because they’d rather be with their friends. Pretty soon, poof! it’s over. Realizing this, I feel I can put my ‘stay at home’ fantasy away for just one more year. After all, more than my peace, my solitude, my urge to stay up all night watching marathons of Sex and the City, my freedom to come and go and do as I please, more than all this, I love my family.

Tomorrow begins packing day. Well, well, well. Maybe, when I’m up there in the land of mosquitoes, when I just can’t take it anymore, I’ll find myself a little antique shop to escape to when the going gets tough and the togetherness gets a bit intolerable. I do know, however, I will have one more year of memories with my dear kids, and I won’t have to endure the guilt which will end up hitting me like a ton of bricks mid week, if I were to stay home solo.

Camp Nawaka, here I come.

To my late father Emil, Larry, John & Ed I wish you all a Happy Father’s day.

I remember my dear father, Emil who was the first love in my life. He is gone now, but I always think of him and miss him very much. Growing up, he made me feel loved and always wanted. I watched him interact with people and I remember everyone loved to be around him. He was a good friend to everyone he knew. I try to emulate those things about him.

Tesorino mio! Larry, my husband and father of my children, I love you. Thanks for being here every day for all of us and for loving me no matter what.

John, my stepfather who I love very much–thank you for all you do for me and for loving me as you would your own daughter.

Ed, my father in law, I am glad to finally have you in our life. I’m grateful Larry is now able to know you!

Summer is here. I have 5 kids of my own (19,17,15,11,9). We have one extra college kid (19) staying with us for the summer. That makes 6. I have a work at home husband who needs me alot (translated, “Get me this, get me that, yada, yada”)–that makes 7. School is out for summer and my six hour days of quiet are over. Sure, I can sleep late, and that is a good thing, but the noise in the house is chronic. There is the TV, which my husband has on 24/7, the sound of my 17 year old and his friends having band practice in the basement, and the sound of voices through the house at all times of the day and night. I can’t even play my music on my computer because my husband has the TV on so loud, it drowns out any sound, however pleasant, in the kitchen where I sit.

There’s never a welcoming dull moment to speak of. My family stays up late, my husband has no discipline- he stays up late working and sometimes sleeps a good portion of the day. He works from home, which means he is always around. I wish he go in to the office 3 days a week–Too much togetherness is harmful to a relationship. He just tells me I’m crazy when I say that. He’s wrong. Really the only time I can have my quiet, peaceful moments–my solitude is in the morning. Maybe some people don’t need quiet. But, honestly, I need a bit of solitude to just keep my sanity, recharge my batteries and gather my thoughts–and frankly, I prefer to get my quiescent moments in when I’m not sleeping.

I love my children. Please don’t get me wrong. I’d die for them. They are all good kids and they are my heart. They all love me and enjoy me as their mother. I’m fun, lighthearted, fast to yell and quick to forgive, and funny. I make them laugh and their friends like me. I am just weary. I want my life back–Gasp! Horrors! Is that what good, mother’s of the world say about their motherhood? Let’s not be pretentious here….I’m sure all good mommies feel this way sometime. Motherhood is not all Koolaid and roses. What do I mean when I say I want my life back? I suppose it means not having people coming and going through my front door, and up and down my basement stairs multiple times every day. I guess it means not having a messy house to contend with, which multitudes of people just naturally bring. It means just having less aggrivation, and boy I am aggrivated.

It’s going to be a long summer, I can tell. I am too nice for this job. In fact, some of my friends think I let my kids walk all over me, (which I seriously disagree with. I’ve seen moms who let their kids use them as the door mat. That’s NOT me. My problem is I’m too nice.) Maybe I need to be more of a bitch, or maybe I need to be bossier or more like a drill seargent and demand “the chores better get done and no one is getting any handouts till the work is finished, damn it!!” These kids feel no guilt, no sense of obligation to help. When I was a kid, I did stuff around the house without being asked. I could just see what needed to be done and I did it. What the hell is wrong with kids today? It’s like pulling teeth to get my daughter to load the dishwasher! She doesn’t have to stand and hand wash and dry–she has to load the damn appliance that does the hard work for her. What gives?

While on the elliptical this morning,(yes, I go to the gym to escape) I was reading an article about today’s middle aged parents on the subject of ’empty nesters’. The article was talking about how people no longer curl up and wait to die, feeling forlorn and lonely after their children move out. Todays parents have lengthier life spans, and much more to do after the kiddos find a new address. We take over their rooms and remove the concert posters, and trade in the milk crates for office furniture or other grown up stuff. Some couples decide to sell their suburban homes where they raised their family and make the move to the city to become urbanite condo dwellers. They travel more. They feel like newlyweds again. They begin a new career or home business. They have peace and quiet and solitude. The article talked about how raising kids has now become a brief interlude in our lives. We have 20-30 years left after our children are gone to enjoy this life and do some really interesting things. It’s a new stage in life.

In the next decade or so, my grandbabies should begin being born. This time, the kids who come to visit me will get to go home with their parents and drive them crazy. And so the cycle begins again. I hope my grandchildren bitch about loading the dishwasher to my kids…I can’t wait.

It was a year ago this month that my daughter Caroline and I went to NYC with my friend Laura and her daughter, Kristin. The time flies amazingly fast, and our trip is all but a memory now, but what a memory! I long for the time I can go back and see more…it may be a while before I can return. I’m trying to make it once a year and the next time I go, I will have to take my son Scott. I promised I’d take him next. Caroline was my travelling partner on this one and my oldest son, Dave, accompanied me on my very first trip. I figure with 3 more kids to take individually, I know I have several more trips ahead of me!

The photos are self explanatory and they do stand out in my memory. The fashion district is marked by that huge button and needle….very prominent in my mind, being a person who loves to sew and create things out of fabric. This must be the worlds biggest needle and button! We didn’t get to the Ed Sullivan theatre–no tickets, but we were suprised by just meandering around the city, we ended up right in front of it! I had always wondered where the David Letterman Show was located and BOOM! we ran right into the place.

We had lunch that day at the Carnegie Deli, highly recommended by my father in law, Ed. He said they have the best corned beef sandwiches in Manhattan and he was right….but they are also the most expensive! $12 for a 5″ thick sandwich! Those baby’s are unbelievably yummy, too! The crappy part–because the place is so popular, they do not allow people who are dining together to share one massive sandwich. There is a $12 minimum per person to sit in a seat in that restaurant! If you don’t feel hungry and just feel like coffee, don’t bother going to the Carnegie unless you want to fork out $12 bucks just for the thrill of being there–You might as well just order something off the menu, have it wrapped and take it home for dinner.

Just down the street to the right of the Flat Iron Building is the Cutting Room, the famous lounge owned by Chris Noth. I was able to see him working at the bar in ’05, but no such luck last year. I do have many more chances to get a sighting of him, so I’m still holding out hope to see him once again.

My favorite show on HBO, The Sopranos is almost at it’s end. This Sunday marks the last episode of the season and of the series. It’s been long and drawn out, and frankly a bit boring at times. Seems all the action was saved for the last 3 episodes.

Just in the last two weeks, Tony was ‘fired’ by his psychologist, Dr. Melfi. Silvio is in the hospital dying of gunshot wounds and Christopher’s death was brought on literally at the hand of Tony. Mr. Soprano and what’s left of his gang, are hold up in an undisclosed location, waiting for all hell to break loose, and hoping to not get whacked by Phil Leotardo’s men. Carmella and family have left for a safer place until it all blows over. What will Sunday bring? Is Tony going to die, or will he be completely immasculated by the loss of his men, only to crawl under a rock in hiding until the script for the movie is written?

To me, as much of a bad guy as Tony is, there is and always has been something very sexy about him. I will miss him. I always secretly wished I was one of his ‘Gomara’s’…he seems like he’d be fun to be with if you know what I mean…irregardless that he is always making love with his boxer shorts on.

Last Fall, I used to belong to a knitting group and one of the women who ran it told me her husband went to college with James Gandolfini. At school, James was a bit of a nerd. Her husband said Jim was really big into playing Dungeons and Dragons and had an elf character named Iniflodnag–Gandolfini spelled backwards. She remembered this because just that week before our meeting she had been cleaning out some old papers of her husband’s and found Jame’s character sheet he used for Iniflodnag, that recorded all his hit points and character attributes. She said she should have sold it on eBay, but didn’t consider it at the time. I found that to be a very interesting story. Guess who elses husband is also into D&D since forever? Mine! He’s also Italian and he doesn’t wear boxers–ever. I’ll leave it at that. Caio!