"Emily", Being Adopted, My Story

The phone call that changed my life. (Part 1)

On a late August night back in 1999 I got a phone call that would forever change my life.   My late father’s cousin Charlotte called me all the way from California with an urgent need to tell me something. I was really surprised to hear her voice on the other end of the line.  We talked small talk for a minute or two and I wondered why she decided to call so unexpectedly.  We usually didn’t call each other that much, but I was still glad to hear from her.  All I remember is her saying there is something really important she has to tell me and she asked me if I was sitting.  I told her no, but to go ahead anyway, whatever it was, I could handle it.   Within seconds my heart started to pound with tension and fear not knowing what to expect out of her mouth.

“Well,” She said, “Your dad told me before he died I can tell you this if I felt there was a reason you needed to know.” She went on to explain how bad she felt when we had talked a little over a year prior, when I called to let her know my last son Jeff was born.  Despite my happiness in my new baby, my heart was heavy as I expressed to her my disappointment in my mom.  Specifically, my mom’s reaction when I initially told her I was pregnant with this now born, beautiful baby boy and her lack of interest in being a meaningful part of my other four children’s lives.    I was bewildered as to why my mom was so crass and snippy with me when I revealed the news to her.  All my life I knew she wasn’t a big fan of kids-because of that I dreaded telling her I was pregnant again, even though this one was well thought out and planned just like the previous four.  And because I was apprehensive, I waited until I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer.   When I finally made that dreaded phone call and happily announced I was five months pregnant, (again), my mom’s reaction was a stiff, “Oh, my GOD Emily!  That’s DISGUSTING!”  It brought me to tears and flooded me with anger.  I couldn’t believe how harsh and unloving her response was.

Ever since I was a little kid my mom had a way of making me feel unloved in a variety of ways, be it a nasty look, a snarky tone or genuine intolerance of me.  My father was my saving grace.  From him I got unconditional love and a feeling that I was wanted no matter what and it was that love that was strong enough to counter balance my mom’s constant negativity.  My dad’s love  carried me into adulthood and helped me to become the stable, happy adult I am today. That conversation bothered Charlotte for months; so much so, that she felt compelled to call me and tell me the truth. And just like that, she blurted it out.   “You were adopted, Emily. I thought it was time you knew.”

 

 

 

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"Emily", dreams, Elton John

A strange dream about Elton John….

Yesterday morning I had an odd dream. I was somewhere at a cozy lodge-type place. I discovered Elton John was staying there. I managed to gradually work my way near him and eventually, using my charms, I was able to start talking to him. I began confiding in him. I don’t remember what was said, but as with most of my dreams, I don’t remember details, but just how it felt.

Somewhere in this dream I began a strange physical closeness with him that was romantic, tender and incredible. I felt like I was falling in love with him and he felt the same about me. ( I know, I know, he’s gay, and not so handsome, but hey, this is a dream!) We spent a lot of time nuzzling and cuddling. It was sensual, and felt the way it does when you fall in love with someone, how the world is wayyy out there, and you and him are wrapped up in your own little cocoon.

When the time came to leave, I knew it would all end. I desperately wanted this relationship with him to continue and I tried to get his personal email, but he had this intrusive female assistant who kept trying to keep me from getting it. She was being evasive and didn’t want to help me. She acted as though I would try to stalk him and be a pain in his ass. I don’t think she knew we had a ‘thing’ going on. I think he eventually gave me his personal email behind her back.
I think the reason I dreamed this is a few days ago I was playing one of his songs and, considering I was an absolute Elton John FREAK when I was a teenager, I didn’t even know he recorded it. It’s called “Emily“. Hmmm, I wonder? (Click on the ‘Emily’ link and then after the song starts playing, hit your back button to return to my blog and listen to the song while you continue to read.)

I woke up. I miss him. :–(