Some Saturday thoughts…

For the last 10 days I have been couch bound, my body uncomfortable with very, very bad back pain.  I believe the source of this bad back ache was from overdoing it in preparation for my rummage sale.  My son Scott and I were working for a whole week in the basement lifting, sorting, tossing and donating all our extra stuff in an effort to pare down and make the basement more organized and livable.  I should have known better.   I paid dearly for my efforts.  I am just now feeling like my old self again and I can say I am truly grateful for being able to have mobility again and to just do my regular routine.  I really understand now what it’s like to be debilitated and it’s not fun.  I am going to thank God everyday for being healthy and able to move around.  It’s not something to take for granted.

I‘m taking Kelly Rae’s online class “Flying Lessons” with the hope of amping up enough inspiration to breathe some life back into my doll business.  I have put so much work, blood sweat and tears into it and have brought it so far.  I am guilty of letting it it fall to the wayside.  Partially because I have lost interest in it, feeling like I’ve taken it as far as I can, and admittedly not believing in it like I used to.  Something has happened to me and I recognize I’ve made a mistake in allowing this to happen.  I need to rekindle my creativity and listen to the little whispers that are inside me, nudging me to go ahead and get reaquainted with my art.  It’s necessary and a part of me and I honestly don’t feel like myself if I’m not creating something.  

My heart is pulling another direction.  I have such a strong urge to paint, collage and dabble in canvas art.  I want to have an easle in the corner with a canvas propped up on it with a work in progress.  I am loving the art of Gritty Jane and Kelly Rae and want that for my self.  I know I can do it, I absolutely am confident I can. I just need to take the baby steps to make it happen.  My heart pulls are so strong, they are difficult to ignore.  The last 10 days of convalescing on the sofa with my back enabled me to pour at length through my collage books and my collection of Cloth Paper Scissors magazines and as a result, I have become infused with inspiration and such an urge to get started.

I have found there are people in my family who just don’t fit.  I have had a rather permanent severing of relations with my brother and his family.  I know in my heart its for the best.  As they say, we can choose our friends but we can’t choose our family.  There never was a good fit to our families-always strain, animosity and a lack of love.  I believe letting go is for the best.  I can feel peaceful in my soul again.  I’ve let the squaking caged bird go and I’m definately okay with it.

One last thing for today…I saw the Sex and the City 2 movie yesterday.  Despite the bad reviews and reading about people who went and got up and walked out in disgust, I didn’t find it to be that bad.  I understand the frivolity was running high and the material excesses were blarringly apparent, but I was able to see through it and find something good I could take from it.  There was one scene that immediatly drew me to tears-surprisingly to me, tears that I had a difficult time controlling.  At the time I didn’t want my friend or my daughter to see me upset, but I later I explained to them what  had happened.  The scene that had such an affect on me was when Carrie stayed in her apartment for two days working on her writing.  Big called her on the second day and asked her if she’d like to go to dinner and it turned out, just like old times, he was sitting in the limo just below her bedroom window with the limo window rolled down looking up at her like only Chris Noth can.  When she got in the car he leaned in and looked at her like he hadn’t seen her in weeks and said “I missed you, Baby” and then pulled her in for a delicious kiss. It was as if an emotional jolt travelled up my spine and out my tear ducts.  I didn’t understand at first why this scene made me so emotional.  After some thought and discussion, I think it’s because I miss feeling that way.  I miss being in love. I miss being missed like that.  I miss that consuming feeling of being so desperately in love.  It’s truly a feeling that makes you feel so alive, isn’t it?    Is it all Hollywood, or is this kind of  romance something we can always hope to maintain in our relationships?   After 25 years it’s really difficult.   What do you think?