It’s been a long time coming….

…September 23rd to be exact.  I don’t know why I feel bad about not blogging.   It’s like I’m putting someone down or something.  But then I begin to realize just  who am I writing this blog for?  I think the answer is me.  I write this blog for me, so, I must take inspiration when it hits me and not obsess when it doesn’t come.   I’m no longer going to stress over not writing regularily. 

     –What I need to do is focus more on doing less, and doing a better job.  Sometimes I feel I spread myself too thin. It’s okay to not do everything.  I need to just enjoy the moment.

-It’s not how many times you fall down.  What matters is how quickly you get up.

-Sometimes I feel that at any given moment I can say the wrong thing and immediately fall out of favor with a certain person.  There are times when I feel shut out, and manipulated.  It angers me.  I don’t understand.

-I’d like to start knitting the slippers from the pattern in Knitting Pretty.  These look scrumptious to me, and if I can learn to read the pattern, I just might have a sweet, handmade gift for special people in my life this Christmas season.

-Unlike the past 6 years, I have been bitten by a premature Christmas bug.  I’m actually in the mood for the holidays this year.  I look forward to time spent with friends, and sharing simple pleasures.  It’s not all about the presents.  What matters is what comes from the heart.  It’s all about reconnecting.

-I’d like to do something meaningful this year for the needy.  I want to share this desire with my children so they, too can learn that the season is also about giving to those less fortunate.  About making someone feel good and that there are folks out there who care and want to make a difference.  If anyone knows of an organization or project to help the needy please leave me a comment and direct me to it.  The Heifer Project is a wonderful place to start, but I’d like to do more.  I want to create something and make someone’s heart happy.

-I’m planning a christmas card/ornament making party a day or two after Thanksgiving.  The guys will watch football while the women make a mess creating and writing cards together.  Music, coffee, Turkey Day leftovers and friends make this festive day.

-…maybe I’m not the one with the problem.  Maybe it’s HIM.

-I love the Chinese Lantern plant.

 

-I’m feeling like I can’t get anything done.  Besides the usual housework, what really makes my heart sing is creating art on a daily basis.  Why then, can’t I make time for it?  Why can’t I get myself to walk the dog every day?  I need will power-commitment.  I need to make time for the little things in my life that I feel are important. 

-It is scary to me how life can change on a dime.  Last night, my son’s best friend’s dad was killed on his driveway while working on his truck.  He was under it and the truck rolled and crushed him.  His son was there, and witnessed the entire thing.  The poor kid tried with a neighbor to get the car off his dad, but it was too late.  Just like that poof, your’e gone.  It’s scary and sad.  Life is so precious. 

-My aunt is dying of cancer.  After she’s gone, there will be only one of my father’s sisters left.  Everyone has died- my dad, my grandma, and my other aunt.  Today I was reminiscing about everyone when they were alive when I was a young girl.  I miss them all…it’s so very sad to know those days of togetherness are over. 

-I miss my mom.  I need to go visit her.

-Something nice: I read there are over 180 yoga studios nationwide that participate in Yoga Bear, a program that connects cancer survivors with free passes to local yoga studios.  To help bring peace of mind to a woman in recovery, go to yogabear.org for more info.

-Two weekends ago, I attended a Women of Faith retreat, just minutes from my house on the grounds of a St. Franciscan convent.  It was so beautiful.  I was skeptical at first, because over the past year or more I’ve begun to pull away from the church.  I haven’t been doubting the existance of God, but I have lost faith in the people who run the churches.  I just don’t care for the the politics and pettiness and hypocracy that tends to go on.  I must say, never have I felt so loved and welcomed by a group of 40 women than I did that weekend.  What sweet, genuine Catholic ladies.  They heartened me into believing the church might be good, at least the one where these ladies attend.  For the first time since abandoning my Catholic faith 25 years ago to become Lutheran when I married my husband, I felt the pang of familiarity while being at this retreat and it felt wonderful.  It was the little things  like the nuns, the statues, and rosaries and the responses at mass that I have ingrained in my brain from childhood that brought me back to my roots in the Catholic faith.  We attended mass on the grounds there on Saturday night and being in the church felt comfortable and comforting.  It felt right.  I think God does work in roundabout ways to show us what is right for us.   I’m convinced this retreat weekend was meant to be.  It filled a spiritual void that’s been festering in my soul for quite some time.  I will be returning to that little church in the woods often.  Even if it is by myself.  I feel a change occuring in me, and I am heartened.

I’m reading Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier.  So far, I like it.  I should, it’s considered the novel of the CENTURY.  Hmmm…

I’m ready.  Over the last month or so, I’ve felt similiar urges a woman might feel when she has that need to finally have a baby.  Only, I’m not desiring a sixth child, instead I’m wanting a little fur baby.  Yes, folks, a new puppy is tugging at my soul.  I’ve sincerely been aching for a golden retriever.  I imagine a beautiful golden dog that is devoted to me and the other members of my family.  I imagine him frolicking on the lawn playing fetch with a red ball.  I see him curling up on the sofa with me while I read or watch television.  I want to groom him and run a brush through his hair and feel my stress float away with each stroke.   I truly want this dog and since last Wednesday, a week now, we have him.  We drove about 170 miles each way to get him.  Being early, we got the pick of the litter (of 15!).  We chose a medium golden, very docile dog.  He’s just perfect. He eats, he poops and pees, he plays then he sleeps. He’s learning so quickly and is smart as a whip.   He naps often here under my computer desk.  I can feel his little heart beat on my bare feet as he lays across them.   Already, he is so eager to please and loves us with all his little puppy heart.  I know little Xander is going to add sunshine to my life.  You can see it in his eyes.  His name is pronounced ‘Zander’ and it is Greek for ”Man’s defender.” I feel Xander is the perfect name for this little blessing of a dog.