Emily-ISMS

During these wee early hours of my 45th birthday, allow me to share with you a sampling of the little bits of ironies and lessons I’ve learned thoughout my life. These kinds of things happen to me on a fairly regular basis. Some are funny, but dang it, they all are true. You may even be able to empathize with me on a few of these ”Emily-isms”…

1.) No sooner do I get all settled on the sofa with a good book, my steaming hot cup of coffee and my feet up all comfy that the the dog starts whining to go out side and pee. Grrr..

2.)It’s only after I’ve been sitting at a red light for a few minutes that I decide to reapply my lipstick. I open the case, pull the visor mirror down and at the moment I touch it to my lips- the light turns green. In fact, when I’m really in a hurry, and find myself suck behind a red light, I pull my lipstick out and begin the process, knowing that this alone will make things go my way, hahahah!

3.) I could be completely healthy all year. My friends and I plan a getaway weekend to NYC 6 months in advance. The day before I leave I come down with stomach flu and don’t feel like going anywhere except the sofa and toilet. Now why does that happen?

4.)When I lose something, I know better than to spend precious time looking for it. Surely I’ll search for a few moments to give the object a chance to be where I thought I left it, but inevitably, it will turn up sometime in the near future when I least expect it-and frankly after I’ve completely forgotten about it. It happens to me every time. The most recent item I misplaced was my favorite attachment to our new Dysan vacuum. I lost it over a month ago, and just last Saturday, it turned up on the shelf of my pantry, waaaaay in the back, completely by accident and much to my delight!

5.)I have this little inner voice that guides me sometimes. It’s almost like this little voice has the power to see into the future and warn me of things that may cause me or someone else harm. For instance, when my son was very little, I realized he was not in sight and knew he was in the kitchen. Something told me, “go check on David NOW!” At that moment, he had a fork and was about to stick it into an electric socket. Wow! That’s the same voice that tells me to put the forks in the dishwasher tines down (a cat will surely leap on the counter at that moment, lose its footing and land on the silverware caddy and suffer death by sharp fork), and other important messages like those. The times in the past when I’ve ignored that ‘voice’ are the times when something happened exactly as I was warned. I’ve learned the hard way not to ignore that voice.
6.)Always, always when I look forward to something, it usually turns out that I hate it or it wasn’t nearly as wonderful as I had anticipated. It’s only when I dread something, it turns out to be kinda fun. Who’da thunk?

7.) That sweet, pet rat Rupert, who licks my finger when rub his fur with it though his cage will turn into a savage alley swine and bite my nose if I stick that through the cage bars instead. Stop laughing, I learned this valuable lesson the hard way and probably have a little scar on my nose to prove it. I think my feelings were hurt worse in that incident.

There are plenty more of these little Emily-ISMS, and I will post more as I think of them. I bet you can hardly wait.