-An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, “What are you thinking?” An older woman doesn’t care what you think.
-An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.
-An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar.
-Older women can run faster because they’re always wearing sensible shoes.
-An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there’s no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.
-Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are a jerk if you’re acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing you might get mad and break up with her.
-An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
-An older woman will never get pregnant, then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know.
-Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can’t help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
-Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever by the phone for you to call.
-An older woman will agree to go to McDonald’s with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody whom they might boff later.
-Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut take out.
-Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
-Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don’t wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a striptease.
-Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
-Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
-Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a guy just can’t get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.
-An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she’s with you, in case you get any ideas…
-An older woman has lots of girlfriends … and most of them will want to screw you too.
-An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
-An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
-An older woman will never accuse you of using her. She’s using you
Okay, so yesterday, I went downtown (Chicago) to participate in a market research group study. There were 5 of us women, all roughly the same age–mid 40’s. The subject matter for the focus group was about TVLand wanting to restructure their format to become more of a ‘destination station’ (what?) and they might possibly form a new TV station. Our job was to go through a stack of business cards with movie names, sit coms, reality TV shows, ect. written on each one. We were asked to pick out our favorite shows to make our own ‘make believe’ station with our personal preferences.
My group of index cards had mostly ‘relationship’ type shows of the comedy variety. Everyone else had different lineups, mine being more like a femme station. What I’m getting at, is I suggested we have shows that embrace aging…reinventing ourselves and inspiring us to trudge forward on our own personal journey’s. What surprised me is a few of the women in my group were so afraid of getting old. They didn’t want to think of it! Oh, the horrors of a grey hair! “Don’t remind me”, they said. I gently told them that although I don’t look forward to getting old either, what we have to do is accept it, embrace it and make the best of it. It’s going to happen and there’s not a thing we can do except run with it and hope for the best.
I’ve started to read a book called ”The Goddess’ in Older Women” and the book talks about post menopausal women being ‘crones’–Stereotypically, not a pretty word, but an accurate one. In fact, the book calls feisty, wise and active older women, ‘juicy green crones’. I guess that’s what I’m going to be…a green crone. Whatever. I just want the self-confidence and the classy aura that you earn from living life for a long time. I think the important thing is that we, as women, learn to get by on our wits and wisdom, because our physical looks may not last.
Today at the gym, as I did my 10 miles on the bike, I read an article in the new MORE magazine about men who find middle aged women to be sexy when they choose to let themselves go grey or white haired, instead of dying it. The author of the article did an online dating test and found that she got more hits on match.com with her hair Photo Shopped grey than she did a month later using the same photo, but this time, her hair was in it’s natural state, brunette. With this test, and a few other observations, she found that most men prefer women who don’t try to be false and change their appearance just to keep themselves young looking. There is something very powerful about being natural. It shows we are honest and confident in our own skin. That is what men find sexy–it’s all in the attitude and what’s going on in our minds.
I think, as women, we all need to embrace the fact that we are aging. When you put on your make up, don’t wear it to ‘defy’ your age, as Revlon would like us to do with their makeup. Use it to accentuate the positive, and to bring out a natural glow. Just in the last year or so, I’ve noticed the smile lines radiating from the outside corners of my eyes. Sure, when I first noticed them it made me nervous, but then I thought about those lines. I’ve earned them. They signify a lifetime of laughter and the good times I’ve had. Why would I want to botox them out? I don’t have frown lines. That says something about me. I’m happy, and I want to stay that way, irregardless of the physical changes my body is making as the years go on. Make the best of your life, now and in the future. Eat healthy, exercise, love hard, kiss long, and think young. Be a ‘juicy green crone’ and when you get there, you’ll will be the envy of all the young gals. I promise.