Curves, self acceptance, weight gain

I deserve a good spanking…

I am absolutely disgusted with myself. Today was my first weigh in at Curves and I also got measured to see if I lost anything. I gained almost 5lbs. I am just completely pissed off. This fat issue is very distressing at times, although I have vowed to not let it get under my skin. I decided (remember?) to do Curves for my health and if I lost weight than that would be an added bonus. Regardless of what my previous intentions were, it looks like I will have look back in retrospect and try to find my problem areas.

I know what I’m doing wrong. I didn’t pay as much attention to what I put in my mouth. You wanna know what my two downfalls are-The two things that are going to do me in? It’s those flavored coffee creamers and bread. I drink waaaayy too much coffee and the calories in those flavored creamers adds up significantly when you drink 10 cups a day. I can’t stand the sugar free ones…they just taste so bad I can’t get them down– and believe me, I’ve tried to force myself to like them. My second nemesis is bread. Damn it, I can’t keep my hands off it-especially the French or Italian bread with butter. OMG, it’s as good as sex, isn’t it? I realize I eat too many carbs, even if it’s whole grain. I need to give myself 2 slices a day, at least for now. That’s it!

I don’t understand why I can’t get myself to have more will power. I never was very good at saying no. Well, there were times when I didn’t have a problem with it, but I won’t go into it here. But when it comes to food, I’m just a total loser. I can pretty much stay away from sweets, and I would say I’m not cheating in this area, but I need to make some changes in my coffee habits.

So, here’s what I propose for the month of March. I am going to have 1 cup of flavored coffee in the morning when I need it the most. Then, I will allow myself another cup of flavored coffee later in the day when I sit down to take a break to pour over a book or magazine or if I decide to sit and blog around a little bit. For the rest of the day, I will try to drink more water and Crystal Lite caffeine free iced tea. If I need something warm, I’ll make some hot green tea with Splenda. These changes along with allowing myself only 2 slices of whole grain a day are what I’m going to attempt. If I try this for a month and see changes in the losing column, then I will be convinced these are the problem areas in my diet.

So folks, wish me luck. I don’t want to creep upward on the scale. I’m not going to obsess about the amount I lose (if any, huh!) or even if I stay the same, but for heavens sake, I don’t want to grow larger.

All this complaining aside, you know what? I still love me and I forgive myself for this backslide on the scale. I’m going to give myself a break. My husband has a good philosophy. He says when you do something wrong that you feel guilty about, there’s no way of changing it because it’s in the past. The only thing you can do is forgive yourself, learn from your mistake(s) and try not to do those same things again. That’s just what I’m going to do-give myself a break and focus on making positive changes. Remember this advise for yourself, too. Sometimes other people just don’t give us a break for bad things we do or for the mistakes we make. If they don’t offer forgiveness, you have to give it to yourself.

I think instead of a slap on the butt, I’m going to give myself a pat on the back. Gosh, darn it–I’ve come to my senses. Now where’s that green tea?