Even though most women desire to be tiny, I am grateful to you for being larger in frame. Because of your plus size skeleton, we’ve been able to birth five babies like a pro. We did it so effortlessly, even Dr. Bromberger told me (after the speedy, bare-handed delivery of#4) I was made for having babies. Now,we know all women are physically designed for making babies, but, we were really made for the job. Lucky me. Thanks to you, I bounced back from each delivery quickly, feeling peppy and deliriously happy with my new baby. Believe me, at a time when you’re passing an 11 lb baby naturally is the time you thank your lucky stars you have hips like battleships.
I want to tell you how delighted I am that we’ve stayed healthy even unto now. We’ve had normal blood pressure, low cholesterol, and healthy breasts with each mamogram. We’ve been able to manage quite well without taking vitamins and you always give me warning when a virus invades-suddenly, I can’t get enough sleep. Somehow, this helps us overcome what could potentially turn into a nasty cold or flu. I thank you for providing strong teeth. These pearly whites have endured the test of time and were even able to tolerate chomping on sweets for the last 35 years. Only one poor tooth has lost the chance at perfection by being terribly aflicted with multiple cavitites. That tooth will be getting crowned in May. What a royal honor for such a hapless tooth.
Despite my contentment with almost all of my physical traits, here are a few things I wish were different. For one, you have huge feet. This doesn’t make it easy to buy sexy high heels, you know, because shoe designers don’t usually make their stilettos in a size 11EE. Hmm. I wonder why Jimmy Choo or Monolo Blahnik refuse to make their designs in larger sizes. Don’t they think women with monster feet can be sexy? That really is too bad. They just don’t get it. If you remember, our feet used to be a size 10, since 5th grade (!!) up until the babies came along, then the hormones designed to help spread our bones apart in preparation for birth, never seemed to float the metatarsels back into place after delivery. Now our feet are larger and wider and seem like they’ll be this size forever. Something else that isn’t so wonderful is our chin-or should I say our lack of one. This is the one place on you that I would seriously consider changing with plastic surgery. How I hate the double chin factor. It’s awful. Things could be worse, but honestly, not much worse. And this metabolism…you have to work on this one. The weight just isn’t coming off fast enough, and I know you’d love it if there was less to lug around on a daily basis. So get working on it, okay? The last thing I would like to gripe about is our eyes. Oh, I love the color. They are a sea blue hue which I love, but, as you know, I haven’t been able to see 2 feet in front of me since the first grade. Why does it have to be this way? Our eyes are worse than ever now-and I can’t even see to read if I wear contacts. I need those funny reading glasses or it’s hopeless. I might as well learn to read braile.
After 43 years of being active, but never having a formal exercise program, you are aware I started going to the gym, to build up the muscles and to make the internal organs healthier. Losing weight is my secondary goal. What I want is for the blood pressure, and heart health to continue to be just as it has been-perfect. Sure, our shoulder joints crunch and pop and our right knee hurts when I work out. Sometimes it seems like you are working against the greater good by inflicting this pain on us. But I sweat and forge ahead in spite of it all. Are you trying to tell me something?
Thank you for maintaining strong bones, giving me regular periods, the ability to conceive at just the sight of sperm (when I was ready to conceive), and for the little invisible button on my back that seemingly grows this beautiful mane of blond hair that my husband says is by far my best feature. I hope, that down the road as we weather menopause together, you will somehow manage to maintain the quality and quantity of my hair. Even as the time ahead is bound to involve the exchange of blond strands for white or grey ones, I will embrace what ever color I end up with. I won’t dye it and try to hide the real me. I will be natural and carry myself with grace. More than anything you’ve kept us healthy and happy. I believe the positive attitude that emanates from a healthy mindset is what keeps us in sustained health, feeling energetic, and accepting of the changes ahead.
Despite the fact that this body is carrying around extra weight, I’ve been making a full fledged effort to not be disparaging about ourphysical imperfections. Sure, I sneak a cupcake in on occasion-but not often enough for you to go and have a heart attack over. All through my life, I was never one to take chances. I didn’t hang from the sides of cliffs, jump from planes, drink excessively or even smoke. I didn’t do the types of things that would put my life or my limbs at risk. I realized from a very early age, that you only get one life to live and I was not willing to take a chance at losing mine by doing stupid, risky things that could bring on an abrupt, early death. Not to mention the fact that most of my life I’ve been a klutz and generally speaking, klutzes can’t (or shouldn’t) take on the same kinds of physical challenges that more dexterious and graceful people do.
You have been a wonderful companion to me all my life. I wouldn’t trade you for a carbon copy of Cindy Crawford’s DNA. There is something just so special about the unique me. I have you to thank because, more than anything a great body is a healthy body and you’ve provided me with just that. How can I really complain? All I can say is, thank goodness turtlenecks are always in style. I think as time goes on, I’m going to need a closet full.